For a moment, I just stopped and thought, ‘I don’t want to be afraid’. I wanted to be fearless. Not in a reckless way, but in that ‘no obstacles, try your best, no regrets’ kind of way. I stood there oblivious to my surroundings and considered all the times fear had built a brick wall in front of me and dared me to get past it. When that list got too long, I thought about all the times I had knocked down that wall. Okay, well, maybe all the times I had knocked it down, or climbed over, or went around it. Or maybe even squeezed under it? With the insignificant amount of luck I had with that, I found my thoughts filled with excuses. I couldn’t do it because it was selfish, because it was dangerous, because I might fail. Because someone else stood there and told me I couldn’t.
It didn’t take long for the absurdity of all these reasons why NOT to sink in. In reality, not a single one provided an acceptable cause to back down. Instead, they were a bunch of words thrown together meant to cover up the tracks my fear had left behind. But right then, as I thought about leaving my fear behind, it saddened me to think of all the lost opportunities. With tears in my eyes, I made a conscious decision to go out and live my dreams and to battle that fear with every bit of my strength. I vowed, going forward, not to let my fear become crippling, because every minute I succumbed to this fear was a minute of my life I was not living. For a moment, everything made complete and utter sense; my only true obstacle, was fear. And, in the same instant, I realized I was no longer afraid.
I only hope, that the next time fear comes knocking, I can find an ounce of that fearlessness hidden somewhere in the depths of my being.