I Wanted to Be Me

I never wanted to be what you wanted me to be
Only, I didn’t have the strength to tell you that
Or the courage to admit it to myself
Or the bravery to whisper it to him or her

I never wanted to be what you wanted me to be
But you made it so painfully easy not to be me
With the mask and the smile and the playful grin
With the false sense of belonging in a world where you’re meant to fit in

I wanted to be me
Not the me you wanted me to be
But I wasn’t
Because one day you handed me that pretty white mask
And said “Put it on, and you’re problems are gone”

And they weren’t, but I still believed you
My naïve little mind believed your empty promises
So I waited
Me and that pretty white mask
We waited for all our problems to disappear
And they didn’t, so we waited some more

I never wanted to be who you wanted me to be
But you promised, no problems, not anymore
And they didn’t go away by you vowed that they would
So I pretended they did, and you pretended they did
And sometimes it even felt as if they were no more

I never wanted to be who you wanted me to be
With your I promise, you’ll be pretty, you’ll be smart, you’ll be happy
Enough
You’ll be enough
And I thought enough was enough and no problems were enough
Maybe, after all, this life really wouldn’t be so rough
How hard could it really be to be the me you wanted me to be

I never wanted to be what you wanted me to be
But you made it so painfully easy not to be me
With the mask and the smile and the playful grin
With the false sense of belonging in a world where you’re meant to fit in

I never wanted to be the me you wanted me to be
And one day, I realized I wasn’t me
And I wasn’t the me you wanted me to be
And I couldn’t be

I never wanted to be the me you wanted me to be
I couldn’t be white-masked, no problem, enough is enough, grin on my face me
You’re stone cold grip was slipping
Because I had finally realized that you didn’t want me
You wanted who you wanted me to be
But that was a girl who couldn’t even see

I never wanted to be what you wanted me to be
I wanted to be me, but I didn’t know how.

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